Parenting Ain't for Sissies

Or at least jet lag isn't. Oh man are we tired. We are beyond thrilled to be home, but getting on a schedule has been a little bit rough. Our sleep-through-the night princess has decided she's not sleeping through American nights yet. Although last night was a big breakthrough and she slept from 1:00-7:30am. She only woke up a few times and as soon as told her we were right here in her room, she went right back to sleep. 

She is starting to display great signs of attachment, yet still scared as she realizes this might be permanent. I don't think she really knows what permanency is so it's a scary emotion for her to think about forever loving someone an having that in return. She looks to us for reassurance both at home and in a crowd and last night she met her Aunt Kelly and did great. She's also throwing temper tantrums from being so tired, but that is good. It shows she feel safe knowing we will love her even if she acts out. And we know they're over because she starts asking for us as she cries. 

She has taken a major turn of favoritism and decided that I'm the best and her dad is chopped liver. It's actually sad to watch and I'm hoping that as she gets more sleep, she will go back to being great with both of us. He's had to return to work and he comes home early yesterday and she wants nothing to do with him. It actually made me cry, but we are all so tired that it seems ok. 

At this point, we need prayers for sleep and sharing the love with daddy. He is the best and I want her to show him this. 

Arriving in the US and officially becoming a citizen

Checking out her new room

It's just like having a puppy!

We are zeroing in our last adventure of this trip...26 hours of travel an we are finally home. I've held it together for the most part but today when we were handed a certificate from the US Attorney General that said (in this order) her name, date of birth, city, state, country of birth, adoptive father, adoptive mother, date of adoption, and city, state, country of adoption it made me cry. It was all in past tense. Done. Finished. She is forever ours as recognized by the Chinese and American governments. When we land in San Francisco tomorrow, she is a legal US citizen with two parents.  And then thought of coming home began to overwhelm me. No, not the thought of traveling for hours and hours with a toddler scared me, but the overwhelming love we are coming home to. Our sweet girl has no idea how many people already love the daylights out of her and want nothing but for her to be happy and loved. We are coming home to such a huge family both literally and figuratively and I hope we always appreciate this.  Each person who reads this and many more who do not, have been so wonderful to us and we are just boring adults. I can only imagine how they will feel the first time they hear her squeal with delight or say their name.  We are also leaving an incredible family here that we built over the last two weeks.  Karen and Jeff have been with us since day one when we were both still just couples without kids.  We have bonded over first time parenting and eating more noodles than stars in the sky. We have laughed at our kids songs and delighted in people complimenting our children. We've also protected each other when we are followed by curious locals and been each other's photographer for this new chapter in our life books. Our children have become friends, pointing and smiling when they see each other and then speaking mandarin and laughing until they fall on the floor. It is probably a conversation about our parenting skills but I'll take their joy no matter why it comes. And they only say one or two words at a time so we must not be that bad. Saying goodbye to them was the only sad part of leaving but we have created bonds that will last hopefully a lifetime. Our final request is that you say a prayer that we have easy travels and we look forward to seeing you on the US side!!

Deck the harrs with berrs of horry

Merry merry Christmas to everyone and hopefully you are celebrating with fabulous friends or family.  We are at the end of the day here and it was the best.  We didn't even have presents and we had a great day! Maybe we were finally reminded of what it's all about...the love of Jesus and sharing that love with others.
Yesterday we got together with other adoptive families and the dad of one of them is a pastor.  He lead a Christmas Eve service and we enjoyed singing carols and reading scripture.  The princess made it through most of the service listening and being quiet.  Not bad for a two year old!! Then we all went a riverboat cruise and looked at the Christmas lights around the city.
Today we slept in and just enjoyed being a family.  Really we just enjoy watching her and how she explores things, so there's built in entertainment. After breakfast we ventured to the park where an elderly couple gave us the thumbs up for adopting her.  It means a lot to have the respect and blessing of older generations here as they are very important in society. Then we went to the local markets and bought traditional outfits  and other cool memorabilia.  This is an amazing place with tons of people and celebrating the day through them was great.
Tonight we had Christmas dinner with everyone at the hotel and Santa even came.  We aren't too sure about him yet, but by next year, I'm sure he will be something important in her life!
It has been a wonderful trip, but we leave in about 36 hours and are eager to be home and sharing our bundle of joy with everyone!

Kirby goes BLAAAAAA on Douglas!

Today was an adventure almost from the moment we walked out of our room. At breakfast I let her pick out what was for breakfast and she chose scrambled eggs and bananas. Two of them to be exact and I said sure. Well when you go from half a banana to two in one meal, it comes back to haunt little bodies and this case it did! She puked all over herself and her daddy when we were on a group outing to the zoo. And I took out her change of clothes yesterday. And packed a banana for her snack. We learned how to hold a baby, clean vomit and hide a banana all at once!
We arrived at the safari zoo and had a blast. They allow you to get right up next to the animals and feed the giraffes. We watched them toss raw meat to the bears and tigers and saw the baby pandas they are trying to raise.
We finished the day with dinner at a Mexican food restaurant and it was amazing. The food tasted great, but even more so because it was a change from rice and noodles and we were with two other adoptive families. It was a great day!
Tomorrow we go to the US Consulate to take her citizenship oath and apply for a visa. We also helped organize a Christmas Eve church service for all the families here. It should be another great day and then it's Christmas, pick up the visa Thursday and leave Friday!! We can't wait to be home even if it's been amazing. 

The true Kirby is arising

It feels like initiation has begun into the best club ever. The Parent Club is one of honor, joy and grace. It isn't a club for everyone and I love the people that know it's not a club they want to join. I imagine that some days I'll want to live vicariously through you do please don't let me down:)
This club has been one of joy, honor and grace. I've never experienced such joy as hearing a sweet voice call me mama or feeling victorious when I can soothe her tears. It's also an honor that someone would choose us to parent and give us the opportunity to love on this little girl. And it's a club of grace; we've been pooped on, peed on, and today puked on all because we forgot to do things right. I know she forgives us because we love her and it reminds of the unconditional love of Christ. May I always remember to love her and her daddy in the same unconditional way.
And while I've joined this club at a different phase than most parents, I'm in awe of every other member I know. Each person who loves a crying a baby, rebellious teenager or ungrateful college student has my awe. I have thought back to some of those terrible judge mental thoughts about parents and their ill-behaved children in the past and I'm sorry. As we walk this path, I realize that most parents are doing the absolute best they can with what tools they have with their specific child. None of us have walked in their exact shoes even if we've been on parallel paths.  May we all honor those who do their best as that's all we hope for from ourselves and our own children. 

Pics will come later

Hugo's Replacement is cuter and quieter!

We have made it to the land of 15 million people and it feels much more commercialized and Western than Wuhan. It isn't near as polluted, but this only means you can see about three city blocks instead of one. We had a late night flight and she was amazing.  She cried a little at the end but only out of total exhaustion. And she has adjusted to our new hotel great as well.
These are weird concerns, but when you have a kiddo that has moved around without a consistent caregiver, it makes sense.  We found out right before we left Wuhan that she had only been at the orphanage since August. This means that she has had three different "homes" and a multitude of caregivers in her two and a half years. She has bonded to us like we never could have imagined especially understanding her background.

Today she had her visa medical check and she was a rock star.  There weren't any tears from her throughout the process and she greeted every doctor with a wave and a "Hi!" At the very end, they draw blood to test for TB and they do it in a room without the parents.  She cried when they started to close the door (another great sign she is attaching to us) and came running to us when they finished.  The tears lasted only until we could get snacks out of the bag.

We also took her out for American food at a cafe next to the hotel.  She only liked the scrambled eggs and French fries and passed on chicken nuggets.  She also passes on all seafood except salmon which is fine with me! Today she also stopped eating before she cleared her plate.  It seems like she has learned that there will always be enough food and that we will find something she enjoys eating. These signs of comfort mean a lot to a mom!

Kirby Rin or Kirby Lin

Our little copycat is ours  according to the Chinese government.  Yesterday we went to the notary and did a final check of papers before filing them.  It was so neat to see the adoption decree with our family picture and information, but as with all great things in parenthood, there seem to be the occasional tiny sad things.
The paperwork begins with her name before adoption and then her name after.  The very next line says, "Identity: Foundling" my heart broke that her government will forever identify her as such. I wish the identity had been so personal and said something like abandoned because while she was supposed to be a McIver, it was not her fault that she was left to be found.
Enough of the sad stuff, yesterday was great.  We went to the Yellow Crane Tower which is famous in China for legends and poetry.  We also went to another local restaurant. In both places, people stopped us to tell us that she was the most beautiful baby they had seen.  One woman asked if she could take a picture of her because of her beauty.
We also watched her figure out which lid fit which bottle without help.  She watches us do things and then does them the same. We've mastered blowing kisses and copying all of Douglas' silly faces. She also will ask for help by taking our hand and putting it on whatever she needs help with.  If Douglas "can't" remember how to do it with his right hand, she gets his left hand to do it.  She is training us so well! (And I promised Douglas that won't be obnoxious for too much longer and brag about her daily)
Today we pack up to leave for Guangzhou which is the final step on this journey.  There we will meet with the US consulate and get her visa for entry into the States. And one week from today we will be adventuring home.

A Billion People...that's million with a B

So we are settling in nicely and we are pretty much convinced she's ours. It's wild to think of how many things make her seem just like she is our biological child.  She has the longest eyelashes and eats everything we give her.  She has her own opinions and loves to talk.  Today she was so comfortable shopping and when her bow fell out, she promptly handed it back to me to put it back in.  She loves a schedule and goes to bed early.
The only thing that makes us wonder if she's really ours is her unabashed love for everything to be perfectly in its place and clean.  If we take something out, she plays with it and then returns it to its place.  If we drop so much as a grain of rice (which is just about every meal) we must stop eating to clean it up.
Each moment she is becoming more comfortable and we keep seeing her personality shine.  We took her to dinner with the other families last night and she loved it.  She sat through the entire meal and didn't fuss once.  She watches other people to see what is happening and is a great eater.
 We see some things that we think are the result of living in an orphanage, but Nothing terrible.  She feeds herself, dresses herself (head-to-toe including shoes) and tries to bathe and lotion herself independently. She also blows her nose and wipes her mouth on her own and will do it even after we've done it for her.  It's not that I'm sad she can do these things, but it's ahead of most kids her age.  She also will eat everything in front of her until we stop.  She will ask for thirds and finishes everything on her plate.  She wants approval when she's finished.  If food isn't cut up, she will eat huge bites and has to be stopped. She also has figured out how to hide toys and things. It's a survival tactic and I'm sure one day she will use these survival skills to become a great leader and independent thinker, but I also wish that we could have done these things for her and she didn't have to grow up so fast.
I imagine that I'll wish she doesn't grow up so fast many times over the next 100 years.

The photos wouldn't load correctly so you got to look at a bunch of letters and no pictures this post...you'll survive.

Chaw...you mean bamboo!

It finally happened.  She is here and officially ours. And everything about her is perfect as is her daddy.  She is totally enamored by Douglas and thinks I'm ok.  He can feed her and she already is saying, "Apple, Banana, fishie (our word for goldfish crackers) and mama!" She will also tell Douglas yes or no when given a choice. He got her to say Paul and Cyndy to my parents on FaceTime too which was precious.  Don't worry they have grandparent names but we are starting simple.

We gave her a first bath last night, brushed her teeth which she likes, and she curled up in her daddy's arms to fall asleep.  She also slept through the night 11 straight hours. Being a parent is easy, until she cries and moans for her previous caregivers and your heart breaks.  It is not a selfish sadness, but a sadness that you cannot explain to her that things will be better and that we will care for her forever. Sometimes she says mama with a happy face and other times she cries saying mama and I'm not sure that it's me she is crying for.
Today we will return to the Minister of Civil Affairs to finalize the adoption. We have to see her orphanage director once more and that is what makes her cry the most.  Leaving him was so hard for her and she just cried and cried.  The best part of that is that she has developed an attachment to some of the people there and will attach to us faster as a result.

 

The pictures in this post are from our phones, professional ones will come in the next few days!

Asbestos ain't got nothin on smog

It's wild to think that this sweet little crib will be filled tomorrow night. We hope it's filled with a sweet little girl having sweet little dreams, but the reality of her whole world is about to change. I cannot imagine her fears and sadness as all she has known is taken in a minute and replaced with unfamiliar faces, voices, and things.  As we have taken time to enjoy our last Friday night as a couple and our last Saturday morning lounging around, we wonder if Kirby can understand and grasp what her last morning at the orphanage means and if her feelings match ours.  Probably not, but we also know that with time she will hopefully grow to love what her normal is.

Today was great and we spent it with another couple, Karen and Jeff, who are picking up their little son, Jeremy at the same time and from the same area.  He is almost as precious as Kirby and I can only say that because I'm her mom and that's totally allowed, right?! This is their first child and they hail from Chicago. We have loved hearing their story and sharing ours as we begin this chapter together.
As we walked around we were bombarded by a group of Chinese students who are studying English at the university.  They asked to take a picture and you would have thought we were celebrities the way they treated us.  Douglas managed to snap one pic with me and the group before they gave us a farewell chant.  I can't remember all of it, but it ended with "Go confidently and be happy in whatever you do." It seemed like the most appropriate advice we've received from the locals considering parenthood
.

We also had the chance to meet our local guide.  She is fabulous and speaks English like a Texan. She has tried to give us a preview of tomorrow, but her main advice was to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.  She said that there may be lots of tears and emotions, but it will get better.  She also promised to take us out for an authentic meal tomorrow night, toddlers in tow.

It is fabulous to have the chance to share this experience with others and I feel as though we've made life long friends already.  Hopefully tomorrow's post is much more exciting with the real stuff you want, but they've said that the meetings can take a long time so the update may be a day later.
Special shout out to my fabulous brother who is keeping you all up to date.  They have blocked my blogger site so he's updating for me with the pics and notes I send.  He's the best!

Cat tastes delicious!

We have arrived in China safely and are so happy to be here.  It was such a surreal moment when Douglas reminded me that we are finally in the same city as our daughter. All of this planning and paperwork comes together so soon.
The city, Wuhan, is the capital of Hubei province.  It is a city of 10 million people and none of them look like us.  People seem very intrigued by my blonde hair and Douglas' height. They literally have pointed and stared, but I can only imagine what people feel like when they are the minority in a place permanently.  The city is full of smog, but otherwise very clean.  The Chinese people take great pride in keeping everything swept up and put away.  Above is a picture from one of the pedestrian bridges we walked across.  The best news is that we have found a Starbucks where the worker speaks English. Just a little comfort of home that I appreciate.
We are trying to prepare ourselves for the magic that occurs tomorrow.  There isn't anything in life that can prepare you for that moment, much less help you imagine what is to come.  We are so excited and promise to post the exciting pics as soon as we have her.

Becoming a Family

The process of being matched to Kirby has been fast and without too many bumps.  We are so excited to make our way to pick her up!  Thanks for checking out these posts chronicling our adventure.